Q. Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?

A. Yes, Intercourse you go between periods and you are expected to come.

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am John Holden.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry Ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what is going on with gas prices... again?

I believe "illegal" is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

We want our country back!

2. Fishing

Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently after
fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that
fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds."

Doug replied, "Well... a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during
three hours of fighting."

3. Terrible Weather

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful
manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about
to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door.

He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two
sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and
bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels
to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for
Bernice."

"Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.

"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me
out on a night like this?"
------------

Dust
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed,
Ponder the difference between want and need.
Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With sun on your face and wind in your hair,
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind
Old age will come and it's not kind,
And when you go - and go you must -
You, yourself, will make more dust.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "No."

And the guy lived happily ever after and went golfing and fishing a lot.

THE END