The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Alabama and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Alabama women.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
Henry!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A senior at Alabama was overheard saying .. "when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Alabama ."
When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Alabama because everything happens in Alabama 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young man from Alabama came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NEWS FLASH! - Alabama 's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Alabama University students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Alabama State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-85. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in Alabama had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire.
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."

One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say blondes are dumb...
------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why do women talk more than men, and why are men smarter
than women?

A: Because women have four lips and men have two heads!

>
> I couldn't resist!!
>
>
>
>
>To all grandpas :
>
>Heed this warning. Do NOT lose your Grand kids in the Mall!
>
>
>A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a
>uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
>
>The cop asked, "What's he like?"
>
>The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big
>tits."
>
>