God Said, "Adam, I Want you to do Something for me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river.
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said,
"In the cave you will find a Woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said
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YOUR GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!!
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"What's a headache?"

Bill, a novice rancher, needed a bull to service his cows
and borrowed the money from the bank to cover the cost.

The banker came by a week later to
see how his investment was doing.

Bill complained that the bull
just sits around, smells the flowers
and won't even look at the cows.

The banker suggested that Bill should have a
Veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returned to see if the vet helped.

Bill looked very pleased and stated,
"The bull has serviced all my cows,
broke through the fence,
and serviced all my neighbor's cows."

"Wow," said the banker,
"what did the Vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied Bill.

"What kind of pills?"

"I don't know what they're called,
but they sorta taste like peppermint."

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself:



I decide to wash my car. As I start toward to the garage, I notice
that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail
before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the
junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash
can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the
trash first, but then I think that since I'm going to be near the
mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay he bills
first. I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only
one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk
where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to
look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I
don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting
warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it
cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers
on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter and I discover my reading glasses
that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I'd better put
them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set
the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, and
suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight, when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for
the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first
I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the
floor, so, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels
and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember
what I was planning to do. At the end of the day; the car isn't
washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on
the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one
check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my
glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm
really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and I'm really
tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some
help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favor, will you?
Forward this message to close friends you know, because I don't
remember to whom it has been sent.&n bsp; Don't laugh - if this isn't you
yet, your day is coming! ...And if I have sent this to you
before...well; now you know why you're getting it again!

* Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

* Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

* Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

* On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

* Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

* Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

* How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

* Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

* When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "Its all right?" It isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

* Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

* In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

* Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

* Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

* How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

* Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

As You Slide Down the Bannister of Life, Remember .



1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.